I seem to have run over a milestone. I think I felt something jarring under my tires, but it's really hard to say when you're doing donuts, hanging out the window, singing at the top of your lungs to the song on the radio. I'm pretty sure I ran over something though... several times. heh
I've had a lot to think about this week, well I always do, but things have been falling so nicely into place for a change. I'm just about a month from my 38th birthday celebration, and I think I've finally grown up ...just a *wee* bit.
What does it feel like? Hmm. More stable, really. I'm not as easily baited, not as tempted to get riled up when I know having a fit won't change things, not as willing to let myself be swept along by crazy mood swings. I'm so much more content keeping to myself. I don't feel like I have *ANYTHING* to prove to *ANYONE*, and yet I finally can feel a genuine need for self-improvement that comes only from within, only for my own benefit, not for some stupid dog and pony show or silly competition with the Joneses, whoever the hell they are. I like who I am, a lot.
I've been working through these things in fits and starts for years, but very recently it's all kind of arranged itself into place and anchored itself down.
Don't get me wrong! I'm still going to eat too much candy, occasionally drink too much, have dessert before dinner when the urge strikes, play in the rain, dance and sing like a fool, still doing donuts while squealing like a banshee, ..., etc. Being a grown up comes with so much responsibility, and membership MUST have its privileges! I'm just feeling more in control; I'm not dead inside.
I'm thinking about rearranging my online presence. I may delete my LJ. Facebook may go too. I'll probably keep my VOX, and MySpace serves as a nice little calling-card for any old friends that might want to look me up. ...Well, that's my current thinking anyhow. I'll mull it over for a while. There's so much to do in the world, and I've been very undisciplined when it comes to letting the internet take precedence over my real world presence.
Speaking of real world, I have work to do. I had some priorities rearranged at work yesterday, and that means I'll probably spend a few weekends working to adjust to the new deadline. It's all good though. I'll pay up a few weekends if that's the price for having this longterm albatross around my neck wrapped up and pushed away all the sooner.
Fortunately, it's muggy as hell today - a good day for spending the whole day sitting in front of an air conditioner.